The right way to send cold DMs (with free templates)

Sending cold DMs is both an art and a science. It is the modern version of knocking on someone’s door uninvited, yet hoping they welcome you inside. Whether you are reaching out for a partnership, a job opportunity, or simply to build a relationship, how you structure that first message determines if you get ignored, left on read, or invited to start a conversation. Having sent and received thousands of cold DMs, I have seen what works, what fails, and why psychology plays a bigger role in cold outreach than most people realize.

Why cold DMs matter

Cold DMs matter because they collapse barriers. Before social media, reaching someone important required introductions, gatekeepers, or physical proximity. Today, a simple message on X, LinkedIn, or Telegram can reach a founder, an investor, or a creator with millions of followers. This accessibility makes cold DMs one of the most powerful networking tools of the digital era.

But accessibility also creates noise. Studies from McKinsey on digital communication show that professionals receive hundreds of digital messages daily, most of which are ignored. If your DM is long, vague, or irrelevant, it gets filtered out instantly. The difference between being ignored and getting a reply often comes down to a few words and the psychological signals you send.

The psychology behind replies

Understanding why people reply to some messages and not others requires looking at cognitive psychology.

Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow explains that humans rely on mental shortcuts when filtering information. Faced with an overwhelming inbox, people use heuristics: short messages feel less costly to process, personalization signals effort, and relevance sparks curiosity.

Robert Cialdini’s work on persuasion shows that reciprocity and liking are powerful triggers. If you reference someone’s content or compliment their work in a genuine way, you create a small social obligation for them to respond. Similarly, relevance acts as a persuasion shortcut. A SaaS founder is far more likely to reply if you mention solving a problem in their exact niche rather than a generic pitch.

Neuroscience research also shows that novelty captures attention. A unique phrasing or unusual question stands out in a sea of repetitive templates. But novelty must be paired with clarity. If the reader cannot quickly understand what you want, the novelty backfires into confusion.

How to structure an effective cold DM

The first message should never aim to close the deal. The goal is simply to earn a reply. Expecting a stranger to agree to a call, partnership, or hire you instantly is unrealistic. Instead, design your DM to spark curiosity and make it effortless for the recipient to respond.

Start short. One sentence is ideal, two at most. Long paragraphs look like work, and cognitive load theory shows that when people anticipate effort, they disengage. By keeping the DM concise, you lower the cost of engaging.

Add relevance. Referencing their work, their company, or something they have publicly shared signals that you did your homework. Harvard Business Review studies on personalization confirm that tailored messages have drastically higher response rates compared to generic blasts.

Create a curiosity gap. Do not reveal everything upfront. Instead of explaining your full resume or product, hint at something worth asking about. For example, “We helped a company similar to yours triple retention in three months, would you like me to share the case study?” is far stronger than dumping all details at once.

The brain responds to curiosity gaps because of the Zeigarnik effect, which shows that incomplete information creates psychological tension that pushes people to seek closure.

Examples of effective cold DMs

To reach someone for a job:

“Hey Alex, I saw you are hiring for a marketing manager. I have scaled growth campaigns in SaaS before and would love to share my CV if you are open to it.”

To reach someone for a partnership:

“Hi Sarah, I noticed your company just launched a new product. We recently helped a similar startup increase adoption by 40 percent. Would you like to see the case study?”

To connect with a creator:

“Hey, loved your recent post on community growth. I shared it with my team. What’s your take on how DAOs fit into that?”

Each example is short, relevant, and opens the door for a reply.

MORE FREE COLD DM TEMPLATES

1. Job Opportunity outreach

“Hey [First Name], I saw your company is hiring for a [role]. I’ve worked on [specific relevant experience] and thought it could be valuable. Would you like me to share my CV?”

Why this works: it is short, relevant, and ends with a small ask. Instead of asking for the job, you ask permission to send more info, which reduces resistance. Cognitive load is low, and the recipient can reply with a simple yes.

2. Partnership proposal

“Hi [First Name], I noticed your team recently launched [project/product]. We helped a similar company improve [specific metric] within [timeframe]. Would you like to see a quick case study?”

Why this works: relevance plus curiosity gap. You do not dump details, you create a reason for them to want more. The Zeigarnik effect makes incomplete information compelling.

3. Creator collaboration

“Hey [First Name], loved your post on [topic]. I shared it with my team. Curious to hear your take on how [related idea] fits into that conversation.”

Why this works: you start with genuine appreciation, not flattery, and then invite dialogue instead of pitching. People like being asked for their opinion because it signals respect and creates reciprocity.

4. Investor outreach (fundraising)

“Hi [First Name], I’m building [startup/product] to solve [specific problem]. We just reached [key milestone, e.g., 10k users or $100k revenue]. Would you be open to me sending over a short deck?”

Why this works: investors are bombarded with vague ideas. By anchoring in a concrete milestone, you provide proof of traction. Asking permission to send the deck makes the decision frictionless.

5. Networking in web3 communities

“Hey [First Name], noticed you’re active in [DAO/project] and I really liked your perspective on [specific discussion]. I’m exploring similar ideas in [your focus]. Would love to exchange thoughts sometime.”

Why this works: it signals shared identity, which social psychology research shows increases trust and willingness to engage. You frame yourself as a peer, not as a taker.

6. Cold DM for sales without being spammy

“Hi [First Name], I saw your company is [pain point, e.g., scaling marketing]. We’ve worked with [similar brand] and helped them [result]. Would you like me to share how we did it?”

Why this works: it ties directly to their need, leverages social proof, and creates a curiosity gap without being pushy.

7. Follow-up after no reply

“Hey [First Name], just wanted to follow up in case my last message got buried. No rush at all, just thought it could be relevant since we’ve worked on [pain point or result].”

Why this works: it is polite, acknowledges the recipient’s busy schedule, and gently reintroduces relevance. Research on “mere exposure effect” shows repeated exposure increases familiarity and response likelihood.

8. Community-building outreach

“Hey [First Name], I’m starting a group of people interested in [topic] and noticed you’ve been writing about it. Would you like me to send you an invite?”

Why this works: it offers inclusion, which satisfies the human need for belonging. Instead of asking for something, you give access to a tribe.

Each of these templates can be adjusted, but the structure is consistent: short, relevant, personal, and ending with a low-friction invitation to reply.

How not to send cold DMs

The biggest mistakes are easy to spot because they flood inboxes daily. Asking “Can I write to you?” wastes time. Sending a large message, block of text, overwhelms the reader. Asking for something big, like a call or a partnership, in the very first message feels presumptuous. These patterns trigger psychological resistance. Research on reactance shows that when people feel their freedom is constrained by a heavy ask, they resist even if they might have been open otherwise.

Another mistake is focusing on yourself instead of the recipient. Messages that begin with “I” statements, like “I want to introduce myself” or “I built this great product,” fail because they do not answer the implicit reader’s question: why should I care? Shifting the focus to the recipient changes the frame from self-promotion to relevance.

BONUS TIP: MAKE SURE YOUR PROFILE LOOKS TRUSTWORTHY

Make sure your own profile is optimized. A clean banner, a professional photo, and a bio that explains clearly what you do increase the chance that a recipient clicks through and takes you seriously. Research on impression formation shows that people form judgments about credibility within seconds, and your profile is part of that first impression.

Dangers and risks of cold DMs

While powerful, cold DMs carry risks. The biggest danger is burning bridges by spamming. Sending too many generic messages creates reputational damage. Another risk is overpromising. If your message sets unrealistic expectations, you may win a reply but lose trust quickly afterward.

Cold outreach also requires resilience. Studies show that average reply rates for cold outreach hover around 10 percent, meaning 9 out of 10 messages are ignored. This can create psychological strain if you tie your self-worth to every response. The key is to treat cold DMs as a numbers game where quality scales with quantity.

The philosophy of cold DMs

At a deeper level, cold DMs embody the philosophy of taking initiative. They force you to ask without waiting for permission. They remind you that opportunities often come not from closed doors but from the courage to knock anyway. Entrepreneurs who built early crypto and web3 projects often started with nothing but cold DMs to investors, developers, and communities.

Persistence matters here. Angela Duckworth’s research on grit shows that long-term achievement comes not from talent alone but from sustained effort despite rejection. Cold DMs teach you that rejection is not failure, it is part of the process. Each ignored message is simply a step closer to the person who says yes.

Humility matters too. You cannot approach cold DMs with entitlement. The recipient owes you nothing. By keeping your tone respectful, your ask small, and your focus on the recipient’s interests, you increase your chances of building genuine relationships rather than transactional interactions.

Conclusion

Cold DMs are one of the simplest yet most underestimated skills in modern networking. Done well, they can connect you with founders, investors, creators, and partners across the world. Done poorly, they vanish into ignored inboxes or worse, damage your reputation.

The formula is not complicated: keep it short, personalize it, spark curiosity, and make it easy for the recipient to respond. Pair that with resilience, humility, and consistency, and cold DMs become not just a tactic but a philosophy of proactive connection.

Projects are built on conversations, and conversations often start with a single message. The right DM, crafted with clarity and respect, can change the trajectory of your career, your company, or your community.